Should I stay or should I go

Some of this post may sound like I’m arguing with myself, and that’s because I probably am. I have a constant battle taking place in my mind surrounding these decisions.

I always say that I only make plans in order to change them, and it’s true. When I decided to come to Ghana and started to prepare for the trip, I never excluded the possibility that my plans would change, perhaps drastically, in the course of the trip. And they have. I was ready to come to Ghana for eight months to work in an orphanage, live with a family, and travel on my own. Instead, I serendipitously met a wonderful friend with whom I did all of my travel for 4 months (that’s you, Mo!) and somehow ended up living in a monkey sanctuary. So life is full of surprises.

I feel that, although my goals seem to change regularly, I have accomplished a lot here. I experienced life living with a ‘middle-class’ family in Ghana and the many frustrations and heartbreaks involved with working in an orphanage. Since being at the monkey sanctuary, I feel I have truly left a mark. I helped change the percentage breakdown for the sanctuary’s profits, set up a new bank account, improve daily and monthly book keeping, set up a lock box for the daily profits, paint the office, put up a bulletin board of pictures, clean the desk (twice), begin a bike rental company, send a boy to university, and begin building an orphanage school for the village. And I’m not done yet. I still have some projects I am just starting or still working on. But for the most part, I feel I have accomplished what I came here to do (even if I didn’t know what that was at the time).

The sanctuary, as an eco-tourism project, is doing very well. It has a tourism management committee that, for the most part, cares deeply for the sanctuary and understands what must happen. The guides are arguably some of the best in the country. All money that comes in and goes out is recorded daily, calculated monthly, and distributed quarterly. Staying at the sanctuary is a wonderful tourist experience, and the majority of visitors thoroughly enjoy their stay, with no complaints to mention. Most of the problems that the sanctuary must still work out are not in my control to help. As far as the business of the sanctuary, I feel a bit like my work is done.

Likewise, Madam Charity (the one who runs the orphanage in Tafi Atome as well as one in the nearby town of Logba) is incredibly organized, motivated, and devoted to this new building project. Each of our meetings consists of her telling me what she has accomplished since the last time we met (which is always something). She seems to be giving me more advice than I am giving her! Though she asked me to keep the money and pay it as we need it, I wholly trust that she would use every cent towards its intended purpose if I left it to her.

I love this village. I love the laid-back atmosphere, the location, the welcoming attitude, the children, the food, the great friends I have made, the monkeys (of course), the seclusion, the magic of a small village, sometimes I even love the crazy politics and huge amounts of dust. Some days I want to live here for as long as I can. But that is only some days. Other days I cannot seem to accomplish anything I attempt for one reason or another, no tourists visit, and I find myself wondering what I am doing here. Some mornings I wake up with an ambitious to-do list and have a productive day; other days the only item on the agenda is waiting until it’s late enough to go to sleep again. Those days are hard.

A very wise man told me recently that I need to make sure I know what my personal goals are in being here. Those are the ones that are most important. Because, and I use his words here, “everything you fix will fall apart again after you leave”. I don’t think that is entirely true, as some things that we have ‘fixed’ they would actually have to try to break again, but it is a valid point nonetheless. So I tried to think back to what my personal goals were for this trip before I left, then what they were once I got here, then once I got to the sanctuary, and what they are now. In the beginning, I know I wanted to stay long enough to call the place home, to understand the culture, to experience life like they do, to challenge myself with the absence of known commodities (like fast internet, washing machines, and hot water), and to broaden my perspective of the world (sounds vague, but it happens automatically when you travel). I have done all of this, and more.

So the punch line is this: I am coming home earlier than I originally planned. This was an incredibly difficult decision to make, and I still question it about every 10 minutes. I think part of the reason it was so difficult was because as soon as I thought I wanted to leave earlier, staying became the new personal goal, the next challenge. But the purpose would only have been to say that I had, which is never a good reason to do anything. There are a few small projects I still want to work on here, and a few people I want to visit before I go, but nothing that will take me two more months. So I have changed my plane ticket and will now return to America in the first week of April. This allows me about 3 more weeks at the sanctuary, a week to travel in Ghana, and 2 weeks in Europe to acclimatize a bit before getting back to Richmond.

So I will see you soon.